CHop BuGR

I've got Reeses troubles. As is well known, it's difficult to top the taste and eating experience of Reeses Cups. They pretty much have nailed the perfect chocolate to peanut butter ratio.

Reeses did try to one up themselves with the "Big Cup," and I'll admit, at first I thought Big Cups were the next step in the evolution of Man's innovation. However, it didn't take long to discover--relearn, actually--that the Big Cups violated the Chocolate/Peanut Butter Golden Ratio (ChoP BuGR).

Lost in that whole equation is the Reeses chocoloate peanut butter egg. It's large and it holds perfectly to the ChoP BuGR.

Not even the Reeses chocolate covered peanut butter tree nor the Reeses chocolate covered peanut butter hammer and sickle (to celebrate May Day) come close.

Go to any break room in any hospital and you'll find nurses crowded around tables, at Easter time, that are full of Reeses Chocolate covered Peanut Butter Eggs. The nurses, like anyone would, guard these peanut butter and chocolate treasures with their lives. All's not creamy and peanut buttery in Denmark though.

I claim that Reeses has been ever so slightly decreasing the size of their peanut butter eggs every year for at least the past 10 years. I believe that rigorous scientific analysis will support my claims. I have witnessed first hand the effects of slightly smaller peanut butter eggs on nursing staff (a group that is the perfect sample group by which to measure long and short term effects of peanut butter/chocolate short changement). There have been scattered reports of violence breaking out at some hospitals as rogue bands of nurses ranged hospital units in search of additional chocolate peanut butter eggs to meet the nurses' more pressing needs.

At one hospital, where I stayed, it was said that a nurse, "Princess Cocoa" (identifiable by the dragon tattoo on her back) led a band of RN pirates on late night raids, stealing peanut butter and chocolate products from patients. It's claimed that at times, Princess Cocoa's band of ruffians would resort to beating patients with soap filled pillow cases to force patients to divulge their secret chocolate peanut butter egg hiding places.

Now, none of these reported sightings have been verified, and a very precious few patients have been willing to come forward as witnesses. Still, the threat seems all to real. Worse yet, it seems if Reeses chocolate and peanut butter eggs aren't quickly restored to their original size, lives could be lost. It's certain that right now lives hang in the balance.

Write to your congressman, imploring him or her to pass the Reeses Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Egg Size Normalization Act. Live's depend on it.